RSM People: Becky Saif
March marked the second anniversary of the UK government’s unprecedented decision to put the country in a national lockdown to counter the emerging threat of Covid-19. Two years and several lockdowns later, the struggles the economy has been through has been well documented, particularly the deleterious effect successive lockdowns has had on the hospitality and nightlife industries. What is less widely-reported are the individual stories of the people working in these industries. For DJ and producer Becky Saif, that loss of earnings has hit more than just her bank balance. The knock-on effects run much deeper, to the point of affecting her physical and mental health.
Before the pandemic, things were good for her. Regular, stable income in the music industry gave Becky the space and time she needed to work on her budding career in Drum and Bass. But with the first lockdown in 2020, that regular income dried up and she decamped to her mum’s house in Yorkshire to ride out the storm. Returning to the capital several months later, the London she left had been replaced by a very different landscape for freelance musicians like her.
“Before the pandemic, I could afford to rent a room in a house and a separate studio. But when I came back, all my structures in London weren’t in place anymore; the studio jobs, the DJ work, everything I was doing was in my room.” That everything was not just living out of a single room, but also working as a DJ, as a producer, as a YouTuber and Twitch streamer.
Not only that, the eye-watering rent that comes with living in the capital put extra strain on Becky’s ability to work, live and make ends meet. Without regular money coming in, she knew she needed to ask for help.
“I wasn’t able to get food or pay my rent. I had nothing left in the fridge so I started rationing my food, eating tiny bits to stretch it out. But it was seven days until the next universal credit payment so I went to Help Musicians UK, who were able to give me some money from a fund they had in place to help musicians who had lost work because of the pandemic.
To make matters worse, sharing with six other people in the same house made the situation all the more difficult. How can a life in music be properly lived when you’re trying not to disturb so many other people?
“I had everything in one room in London, but I needed a separate space to work. It was just all-consuming. I knew I had to get out.” So came a move northward to Sheffield, where the rents were cheaper and hopefully the separation between home and work life could be better realised. “I lost my sense of identity, because as an artist, you attach a lot of your identity, whether you realise it or not, to work. When all of that was stripped away in the pandemic, plus three house moves, a bad case of Covid, and everything else, I was almost grieving for the loss of my sense of self.”
That’s where the Royal Society of Musicians came in, with Becky being pointed in our direction by Help Musicians. It was clear that more than just monetary support was necessary, so RSM also agreed to fund counselling.
“That first day when the money came in, I went to the supermarket and I was bouncing around I was so happy. It’s making me emotional now, thinking about it. It was joyful but at the same time it’s pretty sad looking back. Is this what my life had become?
“My therapist has been working with me to rebuild that sense of identity. He’s making me realise that while I can do all of the streaming and YouTube and everything else, the main focus is to finish my music and release it. And to do that from a place of healing. He’s gently but firmly nudging me in that direction; telling me to get the music done as that will get me the gigs, that will get me the royalties, and to resume what I was working towards before the pandemic.
“But because of all the circumstantial changes, my confidence just went way down. So many times in the pandemic I just wanted to sleep in the same bed. It’s a crazy state of mind, when all you want is to be able to put your head on the same pillow each night. It just messes your head up. You don’t go down the same streets, or though the same doors, you don’t have your friends. That social side of mental health is really difficult.”
So, is it working? Are the new living arrangements, the counselling and the breathing space afforded by financial support making the difference for Becky? “It has given me clearer focus. I stopped Twitch streaming because I realised it was taking up so much time that I could have been spending making music. Plus, my therapist is only in Manchester, so I can go and see him for £10 on the train and meet him in-person, rather than another Zoom interaction.
“The clouds are finally lifting.”
If you would like to keep up-to-date on how Becky’s music is coming along, follow her on Instagram @BeckySaifMusic
To help others like Becky, please consider donating to The Royal Society of Musicians. If you know anyone in the music profession who might need our help, please point them to us at www.rsmgb.org/support.